Quest Of LOVE

True Stories of Passion and Purity: *A Matter Of Timing…

I trust You, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands. ( Psalms 31:14-15) I married late, at thirty-three. This was approximately twelve years after the time I first wanted to get married. Twelve years doesn’t seem so long now, but then it seemed an eternity. “For about half of those twelve years, I tried the world’s way of getting married. Not being a Christian, I assumed the burden of finding a wife was entirely my own. I never had the stomach for singles’ bars and computer match-ups and that sort of thing, but I was ever the eagle-eyed hunter. Whatever business each day involved, a part of my attention was always given to the hunt. Was this day? Was she the one? Should I have started a conversation? Should I have pressed her for a date? This approach created much anxiety and regret. I was haunted by the thought of missed opportunities, or of n ot having exerted myself enough. Even when an acquaintanceship got going, it gave little satisfaction, since I could tell pretty soon that I wouldn’t lead to marriage. What it did often lead to was emotional entanglements, false hopes, and bruised hearts. By twenty-six I was getting nervous as one after another of my friends got married and started families. Then various providences brought me to Massachusetts, where I became a Christian and was baptized. When the church’s view of courtship and marriage was explained to me, I was flabbergasted. What? Stop hunting, stop dating, just leave it to God and Pray? And go through a minister? Accustomed as I was going after what I wanted, this seemed almost a cop-out; it was too passive, practically un-American. Yet it also had an appeal, especially as I observed the happy families of those who had gone that route. There seemed to be some proof in the pudding, and I ventured to try it. At firstit brought a marvelous sense of relief. For the first time in years I relaxed, letting go and letting God. I fully believed that He wishes to grant us the desires of our heart. I’d waited this long; I could wait a little longer for the perfect wife God had in store for me. Then, as lonely weeked followed lonely weekend, my resolve began to weaken. I had a good job and a new circle of Christian fiends.I even lived with a godly couple who tried to disciple me. But the ‘old man’ in me began to kick at the new constraints. After all, didn’t God help those who helped themselves? Wasn’t this waiting for Heaven’s choice a little extremes? The upshots was that I decided to cheat. I went through the cycle one more time, till conscience gnawed and my relation to God withered. I finally broke free after a timely warning from a minister. Then, leaving behind more hurt feelings, I moved closer to fellowship with the church people, for my own protection. Subsequently years were spiritually rich and emotionally rocky. By thirty-two, being a single had become my quiet obsession. I didn’t discuss it much but had begun wondering if God wanted me never to marry. The prospect tormented me. I recognized that many single people seemed fulfilled and happy, that Scripture endorsed either condition and even seemed to give an edge to singleness, that great works of faith had been accomplished by unmarried, not least by Jesus Himself. But still, I wanted to get married. If lifelong bachelorhood was to be my cross I wasn’t sure I could bear it. Each passing year deepened the sense of isolation, of deficiency, of not fitting in. I found myself half wishing I were a Catholic; spiritual ‘credit.’ But to be Protestant and single just meant feeling left out. Even as anxiety deepened, God planted a name in my ear. It was of someone who, on the face of it, seemed highly too great. Yet the thought wouldn’t go away. God had acted likewise with the young lady. It finally came out, and we were swept together in what felt like an arranged marriage-arranged by God. I never sensed His will so clearly. And His choice was vindicated by a union so blissful that a description of it would sound gloating. For me, the most striking lesson of it was the superiority of God’s timing to mine. My wife, revealed daily as an ideal partner, is twelve years younger. At the time I felt ready to marry, she was in the fourth grade. I wouldn’t have done, and so I had to wait. Of course I didn’t know that at the time. Like job, I saw only my own immediate woes. Lacking God’s perspective, I kicked against the pricks. We’re told to trust, given examples of His faithfulness in both Scripture and our own lives, and yet hoe easily we forget and begin to doubt Him. My advice to singles who want to marry is: hang on. Don’t despair of God’s resources, so infinitely greater than ours. Don’t limit His capacity to bring a mate out of nowhere, when the pool of candidates seems small and hopeless. Don’t chafe at Scripture’s stress on waiting to know God’s will in the matter. He has a will for you, whether you follow it or not. When you get ahead of God and try to force things, the consequences are often tragic. The statistics tell the tale; so do the personal cases we all hear of misfired romances and wretched marriages. The way of courtship I learned in our church, as unusual as it seems in these times, appears to me to be God’s answer to today’s confusion. Those who grew up understanding these things do not always appreciate them, and often take sound happy marriages for granted. They may hanker for a more ‘normal’ approach, whereas those of us who have tried ‘normality’ can testify to its inadequacy. In the end, of course, none of us can assure the happiness of anyone else. Nor can we just glibly urge patience on single people, since it may not be God’s will for them to marry. But we can comfort one another and give mutual encouragement in the acceptance of that will. Whether we’re single or married, life will bring sorrows, but our touchstones of joy remains the steady bearing of a yoke that is in the long run ‘Easy’ and “Light.’..Anonymous